A mother's advice to her daughter about choosing the right man:

You need a man who has a good job and is a good provider. You need a man who worships you and treats you like a princess. You need a man who can make you laugh. You need a man who can satisfy you physically. You need to make absolutely sure that these four men never meet!
Yesterday my girlfriend took me to meet her parents for the very first time. Somehow I don't think I made a very good impression.  After eying me up and down, the father challenged me: "Tell me, young man, are your intentions toward our daughter honorable or dishonorable?"  "You mean I have a choice?" I replied. "No, of course not," he went on, "but it is important you understand our daughter is well reared." I assured him there wasn't much wrong with her front half either!	According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors, leaving dozens of tiny lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done about it. She called all the girls to the bathroom for a meeting with the janitor, whose job it was to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate just how arduous this task had become, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors in front of them. He proceeded to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet and scrub the mirror from top to bottom. Since that day there have been no further lip prints on the mirror.