There was once a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was a complete and utter obsession.   One Sunday it was an absolutely perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, there was no  wind, there were no clouds in the sky and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do and finally the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him he was too sick to take the Sunday service, he loaded up the car and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Without a care in the world he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at that preacher. I think he should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to the Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." The Lord smiled. "Think about it — who can he tell?"	A man and a woman get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says: "So you're a man and I'm a woman — that's highly significant. And just look at our cars...there's nothing left of them! But the remarkable thing is that neither of us is hurt. This must surely be a sign from God that we were intended to meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replies, "I agree with you entirely — this must indeed be a sign from the good Lord!" "And look at this," the woman continues, "here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished and yet this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine to celebrate our good fortune, doesn't he?" She hands the bottle to the man. Eagerly nodding his head in agreement, he opens it and takes a few large swigs before handing it back to the woman. To his surprise she immediately puts the cap back on the bottle and returns it to him. "Well, aren't you having any?" he asks disappointedly. "No," she replies. "I think I'll just sit here and wait for the police!"
"Do please forgive my friend's behavior. His wife left him last week.."     "Oh, I am sorry to hear that..." "...and today she came back again!"	JAPANESE BANKING NEWS Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly-up and that Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you've guessed it!) going for a song. Meanwhile, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, with staff there fearing they may get a raw deal.   Sign on a restaurant wall   "If you think our waitresses are rude, you should see the manager!"